Thursday, December 20, 2012
Red Hulk Revamped
Janie seems to have the whole "hulk thing" figured out. According to her, it's because I am this emotionally distant person who actually does care about a lot of things deeply. She believe that it takes some kind of catalyst to spark this 'rage' that puts me in this emotional state. Upon discovery of my buddy Jeff's relationship with his sister, I created a lie that would allow me to track how far that that relationship goes. I really didn't know what to expect, but I just had nothing better to do at the time. I told Jeff that I had attended an anger management class because I was an angry individual and not to tell anyone - not even his sister. I even sold it to him by saying that when I get angry, I start to see red - a textbook case for the diagnosed angry. He took the bait and told her. To this day, I have not told him that it was a lie. I keep this in mind as I talk with Janie, and later laugh at some of the responses. Obviously some of the responses have been conditioned for me. Perhaps it is time to come clean.
I portray myself as the Red Hulk because his might grows as his anger grows. Red Hulk was never able to control the rage. He would get so angry that his rage would end up becoming his demise against all who opposed him. I channel "rage" into all of my workouts. By channeling this rage so often, I learned to control it. There would be times that I would recall a tragedy or breakup that really angered me just before I set foot in the gym. I would do this to put myself in a mindset that I did not enjoy. My workout would be my way of getting out. I was no longer watching myself lift weights, but I was destroying cars and breaking down buildings to escape. As imaginative as this sounds, it really works for breaking plateaus and ignoring pain.
In retrospect, Janie was partially right. I do require some sort of catalyst; however, I control my own. Well, why the red hulk and not the regular green one? I live in Houston, and it is red. Nothing about me is regular, so green was out. Gamma rays and green or fire and red? The choice for me was clear.