Sunday, July 21, 2013


I spend most of my days in a routine.  I wake up with enough time to get to work exactly on time, leave to get home to arrange my gym bag, spend more time in the gym than I do at home.  I am really liking this routine, but there are pitfalls.

A lot of my recent focus has been on work.  At work, I work really hard because I want to establish myself there.  There's not a lot of direction, but I seem to be handling it well.  I get several compliments on my approach to certain situations.  Lately, I don't even consider it work because I thoroughly enjoy myself there.

A recent opportunity has presented itself which has me re-evaluating who I am and where I want to go.  I was approached by the "powers that be" and asked if I would accept the role that my boss had left.  My former boss was the go-to guy at the office.  There was no doubt in his abilities and everyone knew that.  Ever since they've presented me with the offer, I have been analyzing my life spectrum.  I questioned their intentions of choosing me.  I have only been there a few months, so why choose me I asked.  They replied with very specific praise.  They mentioned that even though I had limited exposure to my former boss, I emulate his mindset.  Apparently I ask questions that are forward thinking, listen and respond with thought given to every possibility. 

Getting praise is something I am not use to.  I come from a family where nothing is ever good enough.  Hearing it from an outsider feels amazing.  It's very difficult for me to describe.  Imagine a dog, who for years has been suffering with ants getting into his feed bowl.  He knows that every time he takes a bite, that he needs to shake off the ants.  Eventually even if there are no ants in the bowl, he still shakes the food before eating it.  Finally, the owner changes the bowl and the food- an elevated bowl with pure lean cut meat inside.  The dog will cautiously approach the bowl because of the smell and then begin to eat without shaking.  The dog won't wonder what he did in order to get these upgrades, but I would/am.  I am wondering what I have done to warrant good things to happen to me.  The advice that I got from my friends was to accept it in stride. 

Several good things have happened to me as of late, and I just can't begin to fully enjoy them.  I met a woman that I have a strong attraction for, but she's making me wait in line.  Apparently someone else approached her just before I did and has been making moves.  She's told me all this, but has also told me to not be deterred in my pursuit of her.  It is a very strange thing to say to me, but I can live with it.  To me, it could be one of two things.  One, she really doesn't have anyone else.  She's using this phantom to muster up my desire for her.  Two, she does have someone that approached her before I came into the picture.  Since he came first, she's giving him the undivided attention he deserves in the beginning stages of a relationship.  I hate to admit it, but it's most likely the latter.  I am really attracted to this girl, so the balance between pushing and not pushing for her is my dilemma.  If I push too hard, then she will run to someone else.  If I push too little, then my desire doesn't seem as strong.  This week she's going to be preparing for another friend's wedding.  I plan to keep daily contact with her while she prepares for this wedding.

I am accepting my role as the manager of my life.  I like the way I feel when I do good things and good things happen to me.  Time to do more good.  I feel, look and think good these days.

Good riddance old me!