Evaluation

I spend most of my days in a routine.  I wake up with enough time to get to work exactly on time, leave to get home to arrange my gym bag, spend more time in the gym than I do at home.  I am really liking this routine, but there are pitfalls.

A lot of my recent focus has been on work.  At work, I work really hard because I want to establish myself there.  There's not a lot of direction, but I seem to be handling it well.  I get several compliments on my approach to certain situations.  Lately, I don't even consider it work because I thoroughly enjoy myself there.

A recent opportunity has presented itself which has me re-evaluating who I am and where I want to go.  I was approached by the "powers that be" and asked if I would accept the role that my boss had left.  My former boss was the go-to guy at the office.  There was no doubt in his abilities and everyone knew that.  Ever since they've presented me with the offer, I have been analyzing my life spectrum.  I questioned their intentions of choosing me.  I have only been there a few months, so why choose me I asked.  They replied with very specific praise.  They mentioned that even though I had limited exposure to my former boss, I emulate his mindset.  Apparently I ask questions that are forward thinking, listen and respond with thought given to every possibility. 

Getting praise is something I am not use to.  I come from a family where nothing is ever good enough.  Hearing it from an outsider feels amazing.  It's very difficult for me to describe.  Imagine a dog, who for years has been suffering with ants getting into his feed bowl.  He knows that every time he takes a bite, that he needs to shake off the ants.  Eventually even if there are no ants in the bowl, he still shakes the food before eating it.  Finally, the owner changes the bowl and the food- an elevated bowl with pure lean cut meat inside.  The dog will cautiously approach the bowl because of the smell and then begin to eat without shaking.  The dog won't wonder what he did in order to get these upgrades, but I would/am.  I am wondering what I have done to warrant good things to happen to me.  The advice that I got from my friends was to accept it in stride. 

Several good things have happened to me as of late, and I just can't begin to fully enjoy them.  I met a woman that I have a strong attraction for, but she's making me wait in line.  Apparently someone else approached her just before I did and has been making moves.  She's told me all this, but has also told me to not be deterred in my pursuit of her.  It is a very strange thing to say to me, but I can live with it.  To me, it could be one of two things.  One, she really doesn't have anyone else.  She's using this phantom to muster up my desire for her.  Two, she does have someone that approached her before I came into the picture.  Since he came first, she's giving him the undivided attention he deserves in the beginning stages of a relationship.  I hate to admit it, but it's most likely the latter.  I am really attracted to this girl, so the balance between pushing and not pushing for her is my dilemma.  If I push too hard, then she will run to someone else.  If I push too little, then my desire doesn't seem as strong.  This week she's going to be preparing for another friend's wedding.  I plan to keep daily contact with her while she prepares for this wedding.

I am accepting my role as the manager of my life.  I like the way I feel when I do good things and good things happen to me.  Time to do more good.  I feel, look and think good these days.

Good riddance old me!

Anew

I am living.

Things are picking up. 

There's a need to reevaluate my actions and take more responsibility for the happenings in my life.  Why do I do what I do?

My thoughts are becoming more focused with more sleep and better diet.  My few weeks off have ended, and it is now time to kick up my training.  I want striations showing!

Less caffeine and more water please. I am so tired of seeing carbon pellets from the Brita filter in my water.  Fix your product Brita.

I need to better than myself everyday.  Still smoke free. I love all the people in my life. Funny thing happened at a birthday party- a board game asked the question, "which of the people at the table would you feel that would be the most likely to become famous?".  I was the unanimous answer.  Lots of comments afterward that stroked my ego, yet humbled me. 

Romantically I need to mature.  I still play.  Let's see if I can trim the fat and see what true effort will bring.  My best friend and I are trying new avenues for hangouts and stress relief.  Ways to meet new people without involving alcohol.  I like the batting cage idea, but I am leaning toward group workouts with friends.  I think this would benefit them as well as myself.  Team Extreme Conditioning!  I need more members.  I met this girl at a party that was wearing pink jeans.  She's the kind I would like to get to know better.  Too bad I had drank too much to explore that option.   I must get better at that.  I promised myself that I would approach that situation as a learning experience each time it happened.  I dropped the ball with a possible new girlfriend.  Hopefully we cross paths again.

Let's see how this week will play out.  I am going for M-F workouts for two weeks.  Big time cardio and big time chest.  I am striving for big time results.

2013

Big things have been on the rise lately in my life.  I feel stronger, faster and tougher than I have ever felt in my life.  I owe it to a better diet and exercise.

I love being able to exchange ideas of what works and what doesn't with people.  There is a lot of research that goes into what and how I do certain things.

I have a few items that are still lacking, but I am making significant improvements.  I have already reserved a vehicle that I have always wanted from a friend.  I asked him not to advertise it anywhere and I will do my best to get it from him in a few months.  I hope that comes through.

Things would be better if I had done things right the first time, so now I am doing everything I can to only progress forward without mistakes.  A lot of the things I use to do are no longer appealing.

I am learning new things about the people that I have known for so long. 

I am working on better organization and task management. 

News: Country Boy Survives!

The past few weeks have been so event filled that I have not had much time for reflection. 

Christmas cooking with my cousin was so much fun.  I enjoyed that he and his friends liked the venison that I had prepared 2 days earlier.  The meat itself was well seasoned and had a decent amount of pepper.  I had people of all ages and ethnicity enjoying themselves.  I am well known for eating insanely spicy food, but this one was different.  It had a light spice that could only come from a heavy addition of pepper initially, but boiled out so that the heat is fused into the meat and not into the sauce.  The sauce mesh is what restaurants do - they coat their plain cooked meat with a spicy sauce. 

The first secret santa hosted by Blizz was a great success.  I had so much fun hanging out with all of my friends and their wives.  I am really glad that my gift was enjoyed by the recipient.  I prepared a speech for everyone that I hope conveyed my emotion for having them in my life.  I had no idea who all were going to be in attendance and I wanted to give everyone there a personal touch.  I had to read it because if I had not done so, I probably would have teared up or not been able to make it through.  I am the most happy when I am surrounded with my friends.


I spent New Years Eve with the Keesee's.  Alcohol really brings people together.  I enjoyed my first game of dodge beer.  I ended up sleeping in their recliner next to most of the participants of the game.  Truly one of the most fun nights I have had.

New year and new beginnings.  No smoking!  I have stopped smoking all the fucking time.  At first I started smoking once a week - social gatherings, parties.  Then, it shifted into 2 times a week, after work, everyday, while I drank, after I drank.  It ended up at smoking whenever I wasn't doing anything.  Soon it became smoking first and planning everything in between them.  I have tried to quit many times before and failed.  I have made my mind up to quit permanently.  Very rarely will I ever smoke.  I will never buy a pack again. 

I have taken a small hiatus from the gym.  I have decided to catch up on this eating thing I have been so concerned about for years.  I do still watch what I eat.  When my Dad returns, I will hit the gym every time I get a chance.  Must buy more under armour!

I have offered advice to my friends and family who are trying to get in shape.  Only a few have taken what I have said into practice.  Jeff and I are planning to make big gains this year.  I am going to lean up with some fearsome muscle and strength that will withstand age and sedentary lifestyle.  I am taking Team Extreme Conditioning all the way to the top.  I just hope he can keep up.  He has been doing an okay job so far, but I have scared him away with some recent exercises. 

Lost

to be continued...

Red Hulk Revamped

For those that follow my ramblings on facebook and messenger, you know that I fancy myself as the Red Hulk. 

Janie seems to have the whole "hulk thing" figured out.  According to her, it's because I am this emotionally distant person who actually does care about a lot of things deeply.  She believe that it takes some kind of catalyst to spark this 'rage' that puts me in this emotional state. Upon discovery of my buddy Jeff's relationship with his sister, I created a lie that would allow me to track how far that that relationship goes.  I really didn't know what to expect, but I just had nothing better to do at the time.  I told Jeff that I had attended an anger management class because I was an angry individual and not to tell anyone - not even his sister.  I even sold it to him by saying that when I get angry, I start to see red - a textbook case for the diagnosed angry.   He took the bait and told her.  To this day, I have not told him that it was a lie. I keep this in mind as I talk with Janie, and later laugh at some of the responses.  Obviously some of the responses have been conditioned for me.  Perhaps it is time to come clean.

I portray myself as the Red Hulk because his might grows as his anger grows.  Red Hulk was never able to control the rage.  He would get so angry that his rage would end up becoming his demise against all who opposed him.  I channel "rage" into all of my workouts.  By channeling this rage so often, I learned to control it.  There would be times that I would recall a tragedy or breakup that really angered me just before I set foot in the gym.  I would do this to put myself in a mindset that I did not enjoy.  My workout would be my way of getting out.  I was no longer watching myself lift weights, but I was destroying cars and breaking down buildings to escape.  As imaginative as this sounds, it really works for breaking plateaus and ignoring pain.

In retrospect, Janie was partially right.  I do require some sort of catalyst; however, I control my own.  Well, why the red hulk and not the regular green one?    I live in Houston, and it is red.  Nothing about me is regular, so green was out.  Gamma rays and green or fire and red?  The choice for me was clear.

Wrap Up

I ended my last post before finishing.  The two remaining pieces of my life are women and wellness.

Women!  I have a very special woman in my life.  She is my guiding light, and she will forever guide me in my life.  I have been asked the question, "why have I not settled down yet?".  I was once ready to settle down with a woman who I had been with for 6 years, but her family tension and pressure was not something I was interested in. The tension turned into pressure and then was forcing my hand to make certain compromises that I did not want to make.  That 6 year mistake dwindled away into nothing.  I feel nothing for her anymore.  The fact is, I never even think about her at all.  I have just wised up and decided to never make that type of mistake ever again.  Yes it was a mistake.  I have shifted my focus from that old relationship to the gym.

The gym is my new focus.  Mainly, ME!  I said that I am going to get in shape, going to slim down, and going to put on some muscles.  I didn't want to be just another guy with a beer belly and poor eating habits.  With the support of my friend, I am close to completing that goal.  I lost 45 total pounds in 1 year, and I am constantly making gains at the gym.  I never felt so confident looking at myself.  Small example - when I first started going to the gym, I looked for the quickest way to lose weight.  I tried thermogenics, substitutions and a lot of the latest products at the time that promised results.  None of that stuff worked.  I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself that I want my back to be the strongest muscle I have.  Now, my back is packing on the muscles that I never believed I could.  I did the research and through trial and error, developed a workout routine that works for me and my diet.  It took me one full year to comprehensively understand how my body works, and what works for me to lose fat and put on muscle.  Now, the gym is my temple.  I put my ipod in my ear and the rest of the world has no meaning.  No phone, no distraction, just me.  I spend so much time in the gym because it's one place where I control my gains.  I love losing myself in what I do while at the gym.  I am not a gym rat or meat-head.

All things said, I completed the sole resolution that I made to myself  - Get in shape and make strength gains.  I have been thinking about some new ones for this coming year.  I want to quit smoking.  I stopped for 2 weeks, which does not seem long to the non-smoker, but it is.  When I am stressed about my life, I go to the gym and also smoke.  I eased up on my drinking.  My next major goal is to make myself more desirable to myself and others.  By others, I mean my friends and WOMEN!  Right now I am in a rut, but I have slowed things down enough to sort of the meaning of this rut and how to fix it.  I am 28 years old and have nothing to show for it.  Time for a change.